I’ve been trans pretty much my whole life, even so, I didn’t start my own transitioning process until a little over two years ago. I only came out publicly last November, so this year’s Pride is special for me, I get to celebrate it for the first time truly as myself. Getting to celebrate new life openly with my friends has been a joy but I can still remember all those years where I celebrated Pride from a distance, or even sometimes not at all.
While many in the LGBTQ community take to the streets this month to celebrate their own Pride events, there are some who cannot join them. They will look out at the festivities with a touch of melancholy, maybe even a bit of confusion. Pride is not fun or celebratory for some of our LGBTQ community members because they are still not out.
I can remember looking out at Pride that very first year, I was just coming to grips with what had been happening within me all these years. I was depressed and a bit sad that everything seemed to be going horribly wrong. Some of my longest and most treasured relationships had ended, others were fraying past the point of repair. As anxiety and stress took out their burdens upon my health I wondered if things would ever be normal again. I felt like I was climbing a mountain of worries that never seemed to end. When I looked out and I saw color everywhere, rainbows splashed across everything that can be moved, sold, or painted upon, it lifted my spirits. On the streets of our nation, Pride parades spilled over with joy. I remember looking on them from afar, longing for that freedom. Wondering if I would ever be that happy on the side of my own journey. Wondering if I can ever feel free enough to walk in the middle of the street side by side other LGBTQ members (I am!).
There are many who can’t come out of the closet right now. Maybe their job has not set forth clear policies on if they can be fired for being gay. Maybe their friends and families are in the church, unaffirming and unwilling to listen? Maybe their state doesn’t provide any civil liberties protections at all for LGBTQ identified peoples. Perhaps they were duped with the broken promise that they can be cured. It is 2018 and the LGBTQ community has been fighting for equality for decades. You may have thought it was over with marriage equality but we have many more battles ahead. Today the number one reason for homelessness among LGBTQ youth is that they ran away from home because of family rejection. The number two reason is that they were actually kicked out of their families for being LGBTQ. Nearly 25% of the LGBTQ population has faced workplace discrimination and unemployment. Among the trans population, the unemployment rate is three times higher than the national average. The reasons for not coming out are still very real and many members of our community suffer silently because they fear the catastrophic consequences of coming out.
To you my closeted friends I wanted to say this. We see you. We feel your pain. We wish we could celebrate Pride with you by our side, but we know the reasons for staying in the closet are complex. We all have our own journeys to travel, our own burdens to bear. We see you with compassion and with love. We celebrate to make tomorrow a better day. We march so that one day the social pressures to stay in the closet will be torn down. All of us, out of the closet or not, are worthy of love, we are worthy of authenticity. We will not stop celebrating Pride until everyone can celebrate it openly with us.
Maybe you are waiting for just the right time to come out. Maybe you just can’t. Don’t worry loves, there will always be a space at our table for you. You come out when you feel you are ready, or when you feel it is safe enough. As we march in our parades you are with us. As we gather together you remain in our hearts. When you are ready we will rejoice with you, we will laugh with you and we will cry with you. Know that you are always on our hearts as we try to create a world in which no one has to hide ever again. You, my dearest brothers and sisters and siblings, will be with us every step of the journey.
Well said Korah.