These days it seems like we are surrounded by bad news. Be it the crisis of the pandemic, the dumpster-fire in the White House, or just the fraying of our personal relationships as we all isolate, it feels like I go through a weeks’ worth of emotions every day. In these times I find myself stuck to my phone more and more. Yet while apps like Facebook try to promote how much they bring us together, I feel more alone than ever. It has been really hard for me to stay positive through everything.
Anxiety and self-doubt seem to be constant companions of the artist and the events of the past few months have only enlarged and emboldened these messages. At least that’s what I am experiencing. I don’t want to do the things that used to bring me joy. I stay home to stay safe which cuts me off from the encouragement of others. I can’t hug anyone when I do see people, which is frustrating, to say the least. I get a thousand negative messages about how I fall short every day and it eats away at my desire to do anything. I stop looking towards the horizon. I slow down my creativity to trickle. My self-doubt reminds me that I have nothing new to say. I have not been eating healthy. I have not stayed as active as I usually do. The joy from completing projects like my garden bed last only a short time, crowded out by the noise of a million self-criticisms. I begin to isolate not because of the virus but because of all the ways I feel like a failure. I hang my head down. Focus on getting through the day and lose that creative spark.
In the end, it is ok if you are not ok. We don’t have to be perfect all of the time.
I have two methods I use to fight back and reclaim my sanity when I am feeling overwhelmed. The first is my friends. I may not be able to see them as much as I would like, but I can call them. We can talk about anything and I feel heard, loved, and ready to face monsters. Sometimes I need to talk about how I am feeling but usually, just the sound of their voice is enough. They have given me so much strength over the years, I cannot express how much it means to me when they say hello.
My headphones are my other savior. As I have written about in the past here on the blog, music is one of the forces that inspire me and drive my creativity. For a few moments, I can chase away the self-doubt and look up towards the horizon. I can blast away the thoughts that tell me that my writing is crap or that I am wasting my time. I can just be free for as long as I need or at least until I need to get up to do something else.
In the end, it is ok if you are not ok. We don’t have to be perfect all of the time. Facebook and Instagram are not how we measure our value, nor are they how we should measure our success. If you are struggling, reach out to a friend. Believe them when they tell you how good and awesome you are. You are worth much more than the voice inside of your head wants you to think. Find the things that give you joy and lean on them, I know the desire to just drown in TV, or YouTube, or games or some other distraction, grow as we become overly stressed. This is normal. Find the time to pull out of that and sit down to do something you really love. Find inspiration in this new normal and find in yourself the same strength and resolve you have always had. You will get through whatever funk you are in. Every cloud eventually passes and brighter days are ahead. Look up, reach out, keep being inspired to dream. You are going to be fine.