I look at the page I have just finished. It is full of words, brimming with promise. My eyes glance over it, seeing a hundred errors. A thought crosses my mind, “You aren’t cut out for this.”
As I stated last week, nothing can stop a dream dead in its tracks like the sudden, horrifying realization that we are not qualified to complete it. The world readily reminds us that we are not ready. We look at our skills and see how immature they are. We see those who have gone before and imagine what courage they must have had. We wistfully imagine the skill and tenacity they must have embodied to accomplish their dreams. “If only I could be like that.”
What if you already were? What if you were already just like those people you imagine with such fierce determination and courage? You see you are more like your idols than you realize. Let me tell you a story (it’s kind of my thing). Once, a long time ago, I used to fancy myself an actor. I was ecstatic when I finally landed a speaking role in one of the productions at my college. After weeks and weeks of rehearsals it was finally time. The lights were on and it was time to step out on that stage in front of everyone and perform. Backstage I was getting ready to go. What if I messed up? What if I wasn’t good enough? I clenched and unclenched my hands. Uhg! Why were they so sweaty? My heart was going to jump out of my chest. Needless to say, I was nervous. That’s when I noticed Tom pacing back and forth, back and forth. Under his breath he muttered his lines over and over and over again.
Tom was no stranger to plays. He had been acting since he was a small child and had landed the lead role in just about every production we had that year. Usually a modest and quiet individual, under the bright lights of the stage Tom shone bright. He was an amazing actor, commanding the stage and your attention every time he performed. Opening night he was just as nervous as I was to go out on that stage.
Then it was time. My cue came and I stiffened my back and walked out on to that stage as if it were just another day. I stuffed those nervous feelings away and plowed forward. Tom and I were nowhere near the same skill level and yet we both were nervous about the same things. Missing a cue. Flubbing a line. Breaking character. Make no mistake though, we both belonged out there on that stage.
The same can be said of most dreamers. All of us in one way or another feel totally inadequate for the dreams we have set before us. Those that have gone before you probably felt the exact same way. We are all scared,each and everyone of us. We are scared of not being perfect. Scared of rejection. Scared that no one will notice our work. Even still we put on a face of courage, stuff those doubts into a box and walk out onto the stage. Why? Because we must. It is what the dream calls us to do.