To Walk by Faith

Well this past week was one heck of a roller coaster ride! Yes, at last the new contracts have been signed and the underlings can finally be told their fates. For more than a year I have been asked to put my life on hold as people who have no idea what I do, decide what to do with me (and the rest of the guys I work with). Well the bean counters finished haggling and the ink dried on Monday! Of course no one decided to inform my department about this, we found out through second hand means (we are AV Techs, so yeah we DO show up at meetings). As my boss scrambled for more information to give to us I was out covering my new area when the new company show up for a meeting! Stress!! Once their meeting was underway I returned to my office to see what other news had come about. Basically the whole thing was just a mess, no one knew anything or what was going on but once the dust settled we learned there was an informational meeting scheduled for those of us going to the new company. Since I have a few short weeks until I am officially homeless, I was in the first group to go over. When my office mate complained that he wanted to go (he was scheduled to go to the later meeting) I told him that at least he wasn't walking into an ambush. How prophetic my words rang, when we walked through the doors and were handed application forms and told to fill them out. No warning, no mention of anything like that was told to us or anyone else there. Needless to say the meeting was pretty light on information as well.

So there you go, after a year of waiting for something to happen, of dealing with rumors, innuendo and lies, we weren't even given the courtesy of being told that we needed to reapply for our jobs. Everyone on staff is pretty upset about it right now, most of us feel that we have just been tossed out to the wolves to fend for ourselves. I was angry as well and to be honest I still am a little bit, after all this drama all we get is a “We will call you next week. Bubye.” Sigh.

This disturbance lasted the whole week, so if we add up the issues from last week to this weeks drama we will find that April has been a very stressful ordeal. All of this has caused a major disturbance in my writing schedule, meaning that April has been one of my least productive months, ever. I am going to have to bust out some mad skills for the reading group and Special topics discussions.

So here I am, sitting in the middle of a swirling storm, I could be losing my job and my home all at the same time. The job search is “poor” to put it in a positive light and I don't know yet what next week will bring and to top it all off I am to flustered to write. I have every right to be freaking out at this point but I am strangely, at ease. There is a reason these updates come on Sunday night and not Friday or Monday and that's because it gives me time to unwind and reflect upon my week. I come out of the work week and I am stressed and my focus, my balance, is thrown all out of wack. On Friday I was mad as hell, Saturday all was lost and hopeless but by Sunday I was looking out to the horizon trying to avoid that iceberg that I know is surely out there. It is times like these, when life heaps its burden upon me that I find myself leaning upon God more and more for my support and I have found encouragement time and time again through His word. Today at church we sang a song whose chorus talked of walking by faith and not by sight and it made me realize that I am currently focusing to much on me and my circumstances. I am walking by sight, focusing on my next move, what I should do in this situation, how long I have until this happens but you know what? I can only control so much. I will not be the one in charge of rehiring myself to do my job. I am not the one who decides where new opportunities will arise. I may be in control of myself and my immediate circumstances (like have a resume handy at the meeting) but on the whole, the larger picture, it is not me who is calling the shots. I might think I am in charge but in reality I will end up where God wants me to be and I can choose to go willingly or not. Remember the story of Jonah and the whole whale thing, that was God working to get Jonah where He wanted him. Perhaps all this struggle is a sign that I am to look elsewhere, perhaps I need to shut up, buy an apartment and grin and bear the changes that are coming. This week will bring many more changes and challenges with it and I am now forced to look down the barrel of the unemployment gun and say “I trust in the Lord. I will go where He leads me.” Lets all hope and pray I have the uncommon sense to do so. Sayonara.